I sing alto in the Ktizo Choir. I was born in Washington D.C. in 1932. We were an average Presbyterian family, in Frederick, Maryland, where my father sold wholesale hardware. My mother kept house. I had an older brother but much of my life I felt like an only child.
College was just two blocks from home. I studied early childhood education and graduated in 1955. After teaching two years in the area, I met a soldier stationed at nearby Ft. Detrick, while doing a little theater. We had a whirlwind courtship from April to September. He then left the army, returned home to Massachusetts, and got a job. We married in February of 1959 and I moved to Massachusetts. We bought a big old house. I opened a kindergarten which I ran for 8 years.
Dan was a Catholic, which made no waves in our life together, but was a big complication when we tried to adopt children. Mixed marriages were not accepted in Massachusetts. When the opportunity arose we moved to Rhode Island, where the laws were more accepting. We were quickly approved and soon welcomed sixteen month old Christopher into our lives. The next year we welcomed nine month old Margaret. Then, because we weren’t happy in Rhode Island, we moved back to Massachusetts. It was a great shock, soon after that, to discover we were pregnant. Soon we were parents of three children very close together. Thomas was born in 1970.
Dan and I were somewhat unusual because we decided early on to be a couple in both our churches, so we were very busy. I got a job directing the church school at the local congregational church. Dan accepted the job of organizing CCD at his church. This is something like our Sunday School. We had to be very careful when called for information about which church we liked.
Although they were card carrying Catholics, our children were at home in both churches. We did some things as a family because Dan was Catholic (like not eating meat of Fridays during lent) and some things because I wasn’t.
On our sixteenth anniversary we were fortunate enough to make a Marriage Encounter weekend. It was a life changing experience. We learned how to talk to each other more effectively. We learned how to
argue lovingly. Dan learned how to dig for his feelings and share them with me. Loving each other is not enough. A feelings level discussion, instead of opinions, makes a big difference because it doesn’t threaten your mate. It works with children too. We found our whole family was more secure in our love for each other. This gave us the courage to accept a job from Honeywell Phoenix and move across the country, leaving all our support systems behind.
Once here Dan and the children settled in at Saint Jerome Catholic Church. That first summer atmass we saw that the Marriage Encounter group was having a car wash. We stopped by. Seeing the M.E. license plate on the front of our car, several
couples enthusiastically greeted us with hugs and invited us to an ice cream social that evening. That easily we had a Phoenix family.
A Marriage Encounter couple asked if we would like to work with the marriage preparation program. We stayed with this program many years, working our way up to coordinating couple. We were the only mixed couple in the valley leading a prep team but we had one of the best programs in the valley. It really kept us centered on what was important in our “coupleness.” We gave it up when, at 72 yrs of age, we felt that the young couples no longer thought we were relevant.
I spent several years at Beatitudes Church, first at the Sunday 9am service in the choir, and later at the Saturday service. I had come to love Ted and Nancy, so when the break came I followed them to Ktizo. Ktizo is such a special place. The love and support I have found here has been a tremendous help to me through the mental decline of my dear Dan and his passing. God bless you all. (Verna Lynch)